KT's Appallingly Potent Recipe for the Jitters

The Jitters: serves 1

88.72 milliliters Jägermeister
16.6 ounces Red Bull
84 ounces Diet Coke
1 tablet Excedrin Migraine
32 Salem mentholated cigarettes
1 Cadbury Creme Egg

For the seet-up, do not eat for 16 hours before preparation of Jitters. When you are ready, combine Jager, Diet Coke, Red Bull and Excedrin in stomach. Shake gently with a walking motion. Add the Creme Egg, chew thoroughly, swallow. Throughout the preparation process, light the cigarettes and inhale the vapors they produce within an 8 hour period.


For dessert, try Detox (you'll need it).


Detox

32 ounces filtered water
33 saltine crackers
8 ounces chamomile tea (unsweetened)
4 hours mind-numbing television programming (soap operas and infomercials work best)
4 hours brainless internet surfing (nothing heavy, try not to stray from Facebook)

Consume the above over the course of five hours. Follow with at least 6 hours of sleep.


Enjoy!